Dear Nurse Nessa is Nestcare's nurse advice column. Questions can be submitted HERE, and are answered by Registered Nurses with over a decade of experience in home care, home health, or related nursing fields.
Dear Nurse Nessa,
I’ve been feeling a bit uneasy lately about my mom’s care. She has a caregiver, but during our recent FaceTime calls, I’ve noticed a few things that don’t seem right. She’s been wearing the same clothes a lot, and her house isn’t as clean as it used to be. Plus, she’s lost some weight, and I’m worried she might not be eating enough.
I live out of state, so I can’t check on her often, and I’m afraid she might not be getting the care she needs. Are there any signs I should be watching for to know if she’s being neglected? How can I make sure she’s getting proper care?
Thank you,
Rachel M.
Nurse Nessa’s Response:
Hi Rachel,
I completely understand why you’re concerned, and you’re definitely not alone in feeling this way. It’s hard when you’re far away and can’t check on your mom in person. The good news is there are several signs you can look for to get a better idea of what’s happening.
Here are a few key things to watch out for that might help you determine if your mom isn’t getting the care she needs or if maybe she just needs more support.
How to Check for Caregiver Neglect
Pay Attention to Her Hygiene
One of the easiest signs of caregiver neglect to spot is a decline in hygiene. Ask yourself a few questions:
Is she clean? Does it seem like she’s been regularly bathing, or does she look like she might be skipping those routines?
Clothes and grooming: Has she been wearing the same clothes often, and do they look clean? If she’s in the same outfit every time you FaceTime, that could be a red flag.
Smell and grooming products: Does she smell fresh, or has there been a noticeable odor? Small details like whether her toothpaste is being replaced can also tell you if she’s getting proper personal care.
These things might seem small, but they can give you a good sense of whether her caregiver is helping her with day-to-day hygiene.
Check for Weight Loss or Diet Issues
Weight loss can be another big clue that something isn’t right. Here are a few things to consider:
Has she been losing weight? If your mom has dropped weight recently, it’s worth figuring out why. It could be medical, or it could be that she’s not eating enough.
Is she getting enough time to eat? Sometimes caregivers might rush through meals, which means your mom might not have enough time to eat properly. You also want to make sure she’s being served food she enjoys and can easily eat.
Is she able to prepare meals when the caregiver isn’t there? If she’s left on her own for long stretches, she may need more help with grocery shopping or meal prep.
Does she need softer foods or help eating? If your mom struggles with chewing or swallowing, she might need a softer diet or help cutting up her food.
Making sure she’s getting enough to eat and that her diet fits her needs is super important for her overall health.
Look for Signs of Dehydration or Other Health Concerns
Neglect can also show up in medical issues that go unnoticed, like dehydration or frequent infections:
Dehydration: Has she been drinking enough water? Signs of dehydration can show up as dry skin, confusion, or chapped lips.
UTIs or frequent infections: If your mom is dealing with frequent urinary tract infections (UTIs), it might be because she’s not getting enough help with hygiene or isn’t drinking enough water.
Even the best caregivers can only do so much if they’re not there often enough. If her caregiver is only with her for a few hours a day, it leaves a lot of time when she’s on her own. You might want to think about increasing the amount of care she’s receiving.
Check Her Medication Routine
If your mom is taking medications, it’s important to make sure they’re being managed properly. Here’s what to look for:
Is she taking her meds correctly? Make sure she’s not missing doses or taking the wrong amount.
Are her prescriptions being refilled? Check her medication bottles—are they being refilled on time, or does it seem like they’re lasting too long? If her meds aren’t being used correctly, it could lead to issues like confusion or dizziness.
Keeping an eye on her medication routine is key to making sure she stays healthy.
Watch for Changes in Behavior
Sometimes neglect shows up in more subtle ways, like changes in your mom’s behavior:
Is she more confused or disoriented? Increased confusion or dizziness could be a sign of issues like poor medication management, dehydration, or a lack of proper nutrition.
If she seems different in these ways, it’s worth digging deeper to find out what’s going on.
Check the State of Her Home
Your mom’s living environment can also give you clues about the level of care she’s getting:
Is her home clean? Take note of whether her house looks tidy, or if it seems like cleaning is being skipped.
Food safety: Check the fridge—are there expired foods or leftovers sitting around? Is the food you’ve bought her actually being eaten, or is it going bad?
Household supplies: Are you needing to replace things like cleaning supplies or laundry detergent? If not, that could mean they’re not being used, which could be a sign her caregiver isn’t keeping up with cleaning or laundry.
Overall, Here is How to Spot Signs of Caregiver Neglect
Rachel, it’s tough to think your mom might not be getting the care she deserves, but by keeping an eye on these signs, you’ll have a better idea of what’s happening. Look for changes in her hygiene, weight, behavior, and the cleanliness of her home. Check her medication routine and watch for any signs of dehydration or infections.
If you notice any of these issues, it might be time to chat with her caregiver or think about increasing the amount of care she’s receiving.
If you need more help or want to talk through next steps, feel free to reach out! Nestcare is here to support families like yours and make sure your loved ones are getting the quality care they deserve.
Take care,
Nurse Nessa
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