How to Calm a Loved One With Dementia

Tools, Phrases, and Soothing Strategies That Actually Work to Calm Dementia

“One minute she’s okay… the next, she’s yelling at me and won’t let me help.”

Sound familiar?

If you’re caring for someone with dementia, you know how unpredictable things can feel. Mornings go smoothly—until something sets them off. Even a small change can lead to:

• Agitation

• Anger

• Refusal to eat or bathe

• Tears, pacing, or restlessness

• Accusations, fear, or withdrawal

These moments feel scary—for both of you. But they’re not personal. They’re neurological.

The good news?With the right tools and approach, you can bring them back to calm—and keep yourself grounded, too.

Let’s talk about what’s happening in their brain… and what you can do in the moment to restore peace.

Why Dementia Triggers Agitation

People with dementia struggle with:

• Processing new information

• Understanding their environment

• Expressing their needs clearly

• Regulating emotions like fear or frustration

So when something feels wrong, their brain may interpret it as danger—and their behavior reflects that internal chaos.

It’s not “bad behavior.”It’s a protective reaction.

And as a caregiver, your superpower is helping them feel safe again.

Step 1: Recognize the Signs of Building Distress

Before things escalate, watch for early signals like:

• Pacing or fidgeting

• Repeating questions

• Restlessness or shadowing you

• Raised voice or defensive body language

• Clenched hands or tears without clear reason

These are your cues to pause, reassure, and gently shift the energy.

Step 2: Use Soothing Phrases That Reassure

When someone is agitated, avoid logic, correction, or rushed explanations. Instead, use calm, validating phrases that meet them where they are:

✅ Grounding Phrases:

• “You’re safe with me.”

• “I’m here. We’ll figure this out together.”

• “It’s okay to feel upset. I’ve got you.”

✅ Redirecting Phrases:

• “Let’s sit down and look at something familiar.”

• “Let’s take a deep breath together.”

• “Would you help me with this?” (hand them a familiar object or task)

✅ Comfort Phrases:

• “You’re not alone.”

• “This place feels different today, doesn’t it?”

• “I love you. We’re okay.”

Your tone matters more than your words. Speak slowly, gently, and clearly—even if they don’t respond.

Step 3: Create a Calming Environment

Your surroundings can either soothe—or overstimulate.

Create a low-sensory space:

• Dim lighting

• Soft, familiar music

• Remove mirrors or loud TVs

• Limit clutter and extra movement

💡 Tip: Keep a comfort basket nearby with calming items—blanket, favorite object, photos, or Nest Care Cards.

Step 4: Use Calming Tools and Activities

🧠 Try a Nest Care Card

Choose a sensory, movement, or conversation card to gently shift focus:

• A soft hand massage

• A calming memory prompt

• A simple stretch or rhythm-based activity

These low-pressure tools help regulate both brain and body without overloading them.

🎵 Play Music They Love

Music bypasses damaged cognitive pathways and taps into emotional memory.

Create a playlist of songs from their 20s or 30s. Sing along. Hum together.

Even passive listening can lower heart rate and reduce stress.

🖐️ Offer a Familiar Object

Holding something familiar—like a soft sweater, worn photo, or textured item—can bring grounding and reassurance.

This taps into muscle memory and sensory comfort, even when words are lost.

🚶 Change the Scene

If possible, take a short walk, step outside, or move to a different chair.

Changing the visual field can “reset” a stuck emotional loop—without requiring explanation.

Step 5: Take Care of Your Nervous System Too

Remember: Your energy affects theirs.

If you’re anxious, rushed, or overwhelmed, they’ll feel it.

Before you respond, try:

• A deep breath

• Softening your tone

• Slowing down your movements

• Reminding yourself: “This is dementia, not defiance.”

When to Get Extra Support to Calm Dementia

If your loved one is frequently:

• Aggressive or paranoid

• Awake and confused at night

• Refusing food or care

• Exhibiting behaviors that put themselves or others at risk

…it’s time to get professional support.

A Nestcare nurse can help:

• Evaluate behavior patterns

• Adjust routines or triggers

• Recommend medical support

• Advocate during doctor visits

• Create a structured care plan that works

You can’t stop every outburst.But you can build a toolbox that makes them less frequent, less intense, and far less scary.

Calming a loved one with dementia isn’t about being perfect.It’s about showing up with patience, presence, and a few well-practiced tools.

We’re here to help you gather those tools—so you can move forward with more peace.